Worst Movie Ever

Just got done watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3.  What a pile of garbage!

The plot was terrible.  First, it’s obvious that the writers created the first movie to be self-contained, plot-wise.  In this movie, the writers added so many plot elements that it just became ridiculous.  Pirate lords magically sealing up a sea goddess?  Come on!  It’s like the writers tried to build a skyscraper plot on a foundation of sand (the sand being a moderate first movie).  Second, there was so much going on I stopped caring.  Who should I root for?  They’re all back-stabbing each other!  Third, there were scenes that were so over the top, it was just ridiculous.  The biggest offender being the scene where the bad English admiral loses heart and strolls down the stairs of his ship while cannon balls rip his ship to shreds.  GAG!  And then Jack Sparrow magically creates a parachute that floats him upward out of a whirlpool.  OI!  Over all, they tried to make a Lord of the Rings out of a Con Air.  Oh, hey, Jerry Bruckheimer produced it…  Lord of the Rings pulled off the complex story because the story itself was well thought out even before the prequel (The Hobbit) was made.  Same with Star Wars. 

Then there’s the whole deal with Disney exploiting the pirate craze.  At one point, I expected the pirates to start fighting some ninjas that had made their way to China.  I’m surprised they didn’t take advantage of that.

Anyway, don’t waste your time watching it!  Be forewarned!

Published in: on December 27, 2007 at 12:51 Comments (0)

3:10 to Yuma

Last night we saw 3:10 to Yuma. It has received a lot of good press, so I was excited to see the “rebirth of the western.” Well, it wasn’t the best western I’ve seen, but it was pretty good. Plenty of good action and an engaging psychological element. The most intriguing thing to me was that it’s one big Christian allegory. That’s right, buried deep down is what I think could be seen as an overarching messianic theme.

BELOW IS SPOILER INFORMATION READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

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Obviously the Christ figure in the story is Christian (coincidence?) Bale, who plays a rancher and father of two sons. He struggles to keep the ranch running, but is faced with loan sharks who burn down his barn. His children have a hard time respecting a father who prefers on honest way of living and chooses not to take violent measures against evil doers. The oldest son has a rebellious streak and admires the outlaws he reads about.

While the father and boys are out herding, Russell Crowe (the embodiment of evil) and his men rob a stagecoach. Crowe is a very evil man who is very knowledgeable about the bible, but uses it to justify is evil deeds. The father rescues a Pinkerton agent at the scene, takes him to the nearby town, and haphazardly helps his lenders capture Russell. The local head of the railroad company, which I’m thinking is the “God the Father” figure is pleased to finally have Crowe captured and have him punished and put to death. He asks Bale to help him escort Crowe to prison.

The plot then centers around Bale’s quest to bring Crowe to justice and earn a $200 reward, which would save the ranch and earn his sons’ respect. The railroader symbolizes the desire for justice and the one who brings civilization to the West. At the end, Bale barely makes it through a gunfight to get Crowe on a train to Yuma prison. Bale would have had more help to accomplish his mission, but the marshall and his men were unwilling to fight a group of outlaws much larger than theirs. They were willing to sell out to save their own lives.

At many points Bale had the opportunity to let Crowe go and create the illusion that he tried but was overcome. Even the railroader said he could just go home, but was eager to offer Bale $1000 and a guarantee that his ranch would be saved if he accomplished the mission. Throughout, Bale refused to “cheat.” He knew that he couldn’t live an honest life if he lied. We also learn that as a child, Crowe read the bible from cover to cover, but was abandoned by his parents. So, his life was lived with a complete knowledge of Christianity, but he had never seen or experienced a Christian life lived out. At this point, Crowe so admires Bale that he almost willingly runs with him to the train.

As Bale is putting Crowe on the train, Bale is shot dead. His son, who aided in the escape, witnessed his father’s heroism and, at an earlier, point recognized Crowe’s admiration for his dad. The son is tempted to shoot Crowe in revenge, but Crowe willingly boards the train while looking at the crucifix that is emblazoned on his pistol handles. At this point, Crowe (evil) is defeated and realizes the power of the cross - that the father would die for his family out of love. Thus, the power of the father’s love defeats evil and leaves his family stronger than before.

What’s remarkable here is also the idea of Bale accomplishing the mission, even when it meant death. It brings up the issue of gnosticism - where it is believed Christ was only a spiritual being and never really died a physical death. Christ’s physical death is much more meaningful and effective than a Christ who “cops out” at the last minute.

Update: See my debate with a writer at DCist.

Published in: on September 8, 2007 at 10:00 Comments (1)